I met Moses this week.
His eyes danced with joy as he recounted story after story of transformation in the lives of people in Mbale, Uganda. Moses is the Area Program Manager. But one story stood out. A bright, elementary-aged girl became sullen and withdrawn. Her teachers’ concern increased when the child confided that her parents were pressuring her to marry. They desperately wanted one less mouth to feed. Food for the Hungry staff encouraged the little girl to tell her parents she was not yet prepared for marriage. They supported her and helped her secure a place in a trade school where she learned to sew. Upon completion of her program, and still elementary age, the push to marry returned. Once again, FH staff coached her on how to address her parents and connected her with a local seamstress. The child worked diligently at learning all aspects of the work, including the financial dealings. Around age 17 this young woman, with the coaching and encouragement of Food for the Hungry staff, bought her own sewing machine and struck out on her own. Today she has a flourishing business. She is not yet married. And Moses beamed at her success. There are so many elements to this story that make my heart sing. This child’s courage to stand against her parent’s strong wishes inspires. Throughout Moses’ recounting he emphasized how respectful she remained in relationship with her mom and dad all the while maintaining her resolve not to marry. She was likely ten or eleven years old. Such bravery. And resilience. Obstacles abounded for this young one and yet she worked hard and found a way…but not alone. The coaching and care she received from FH staff empowered her to stand strong and see options in the midst of dark times. They believed in her and she, in turn, believed in new possibilities for her own life. And she is achieving them. This young teen honed her entrepreneurial spirit in a safe place, watching and gleaning all she could from her seamstress mentor. At the right time and with the support of good people, she branched out. Again, such bravery. This scenario played out in Uganda but I find myself asking how can this work be done in Canada as well? We have different issues but the principles are universal. People need others to believe in them, provide them with options rather than solving their problems for them. In short, we need our dignity preserved, even in the bleakest of times. So I’m asking, who can I mentor today? Who will I walk alongside and invest my time and energy in to help increase their ability to move ahead? With love and gratitude, Shelaine © 2017
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I’m paying attention again.
I’d like to think that over this last year I looked both ways before crossing the street and shoulder checked prior to a lane change. But that’s not what I mean. About two months ago I sat with my trusted counselor and recounted the flurry this year has been. I commented on the high pace of life and wondered aloud of its sustainability long term. After listening attentively he asked a couple of questions and then came a zinger – you know, the kind of question that seems so simple yet rocks your world. “Are you in a storm or is this a season?” he asked quietly. To be sure, there have been elements of the last twelve months that qualify as hurricanes or cyclones – those times that are short lived and highly intense. But as I processed more deeply, I began to recognize that much of the year has been about re-entry adjustment. This is a season of being “in life” again and I’m figuring out what will be a maintainable pace. I noticed that while many lovely people and opportunities have entered my world, one area has greatly diminished. Not surprisingly, the solitary, stay home activity that saved my sanity through the pain years lessened as my capacity to go and do flourished. Writing went from daily nourishment to a weekly post. And I missed it more than I recognized. So I began to pray and ask God to show me how to construct my life so that time with the written word could find it’s appropriate place in my new world order. I’m not sure if God used this process to prepare me for the writing opportunities that are coming my way or, if my desire to write more consistently has heightened my awareness. Either way, I am putting fingers to keyboard more routinely and the benefits astound me. I see things differently. My mind whirls with metaphors and thesis statements, sees life applications in tulips and weather patterns, and I look forward to word-smithing ideas again. I feel grounded and more clearer headed, like my thoughts and emotions are freed, leaving me lighter and focused. And, writing is reinvigorating me because I must sit quietly in order to do it. I am forced – by choice, of course – to slow down, be alone, and quietly commune with God as I create. I am grateful and find it fascinating that everything else is still finding its place. Writing won’t be life-giving for everyone (although the benefits of keeping a journal are impressive). Some paint. Others make lists. Many take pictures. But I wonder, do you know what it is that brings you stability in a storm? Do you have regular, life-giving activities in your particular season? I hope so. With love and gratitude, Shelaine © 2017 Twenty adults, each respected professionals, took turns with spoon handles clenched in teeth, to move small brightly-colored balls from one bowl to another. Blue, green, and red teams wildly cheered their members on to “world” records.
The same people donned harnesses, cinched buckles and secured tether lines before stepping onto wet logs, thin cables and wobbly wooden paths suspended high above the ground. Deep breathing and encouragement of fellow risk-takers spurred even those afraid of heights through the ropes course and down the zip line. Not everyone did everything on this Food for the Hungry staff retreat, but everyone did something. On the ride home from our two-day adventure, I asked my two carpool buddies to share their opinion of the time. Team spirit, great costumes, healthy competition, varied activities, inspirational speaker, and beautiful location topped the list. They concluded that the retreat committee had “knocked it out of the park”. And then I added, “I agree with everything you’ve said. But let’s not miss the fact that we could have taken that same retreat agenda and, with a different group of people, come away from an average or even unsatisfying event.” The success of the FH staff retreat certainly had something to do with the organizational work prior to the days, yet equal credit goes to the spirit of participation and involvement. Who wouldn’t love working with a green team member who shows up in a lime cape, gloves, and tulle hair bow? Or someone willing to sacrifice their body to get the blue six on the stack of giant Dutch Blitz cards in the middle of the room? The commitment to entering in and engaging astounded me. And it reminded me that life is rich and full when I buy in, when I’m sold out for the cause and hold little back. That doesn’t mean going 100 miles an hour all the time but rather being fully present to whatever I’m doing, even if it’s being quiet. I also took away the importance of play. My cup filled as we laughed, adventured, talked, and risked together. Being in God’s glorious creation as we hiked Teapot Hill brought perspective to issues, afforded time to ask about vacations and family, and satisfied the competitive souls as we searched for hidden teapots and cups along the trail. Are you holding back? Are there places you can choose to engage more fully, sharing who you are and the gifts God has given you for the benefit of others and team? I would highly recommend it. And, don’t forget your green cape. With love and gratitude, Shelaine © 2017 Don't attempt to walk across our backyard!
Recently my husband and his trusty chainsaw took on our elderly cherry tree. Branches as thick as my arm lay strewn over the lawn. One moss-covered log measures over six inches in diameter. Sticks abound. Pruning. It's a messy business. The thickest length of wood, while appearing much like the rest of the tree, is hollow, dead, lifeless. The other felled branches bear evidence of blossoms waiting to erupt, and yet they met the same fate. "For the health of the tree," I was told. This tree holds a warm place in my heart as its accumulated yield of plump, juicy Bing cherries weighs into the hundreds of pounds over the years. Each spring we anxiously anticipate the size of our crop as buds become blossoms and white flowers give way to delicious fruit. And more sentimentally, as I stare at our 30-foot tall, craggy family member, I see three little boys sitting in the crux of three strong branches. I remember little feet and hands eagerly scampering higher and then too high for me to watch. It's a faithful tree. And for its good, we prune. If we don't remove dead or damaged areas we risk decay and insects entering the tree. Thinning the branches increases airflow and allows sunlight to reach inner sections, preventing disease. Pruning is prevention. I wonder if the tree will go on strike this year. It has, after all, just endured a system-shocking overhaul. The energy typically used to grow little red clusters of joy may be needed for recovery. While it still looks like the same tree - just six-feet shorter and more airy - there is an inner working of regaining balance, healing and sealing its wounds, all acts of preparation for new growth. Pruning comes at a cost, and like so much of life, requires the skillful hand of one who knows which areas to address, cutting off that which hinders to make room for increased fruit. Are you being pruned? With love and gratitude, Shelaine © 2017 The 30,000 foot view is instructive.
Today I travel through Calgary for the 18th time in eleven months. Tomorrow will be number 19. I am confident I would not have believed this fact twelve months ago. Years ago my trusted counselor noted, "Shelaine, at this stage of life, many women are spreading their wings to soar. Your wings have been clipped." The metaphor resonated. The irony of my now extensive flight-life is not lost on me. In the midst of difficult or confusing or painful seasons it is often a challenge to see beyond immediate circumstances. Sometimes doing the next thing feels like too much to ask. When life is full and busy with rich, invigorating and exciting prospects we can become absorbed with our day to day and forget to look up. And, of course, most of life has elements of all of the above. So what would life look like from 30,000 feet? In other words, is there a higher perspective on the particulars of today? And perhaps more importantly, how do things look with a step or two back? I find this discipline affords some objectivity, creates space for seeing more pieces of the puzzle, and, if nothing else, can be a mini vacation. It's almost time to board again. May your view be unhindered by life's clouds today. With love and gratitude, Shelaine © 2017 In 2012, the Minnesota TMJ specialist went to look at my x-rays leaving me in the examination room with three young women, all dental school graduates now studying TMJ disorders. I broke the awkward silence by asking how they came to be specializing in jaw issues.
One replied, “I don’t like general dentistry so I think this will be better. I don’t enjoy looking in people’s mouths.” Had my jaw been able to drop, it would have. “You don’t like looking in people’s mouths? How did you ever find your way into dental school?” “It’s what my parents want me to do. I am too afraid to disappoint them.” All those years of education resulting in a career chosen out of fear feels tragic to me. Obviously I don’t know much of the other circumstances surrounding that young woman’s decision but the encounter has stuck with me and causes me to ask what fears I have that might be preventing me from embracing my vocation. Smith says, “At this point, our level of honesty makes all the difference – honesty with ourselves, honesty about what we are feeling, thinking and wanting….we never will come to full purity of motive, in this life. But we can be diligent about what we are thinking and feeling, and it is never a waste of time to systematically review the hard questions that enable us to know if our peace comes from God.” It is interesting to me – although not all together surprising – that the chapter on discerning vocation is summed up in this way. Take an inventory of ourselves and our circumstances, pay attention to thoughts and feelings (particularly noting fears and anger) and then in peace, take one small step. I appreciate Smith’s perspective that the “distant future does not need to be a burden to us…but neither does the distant past need to be a burden.” I have adopted a line from this book as my prayer regarding vocation and I trust that “…we can embrace the present moment with faith, hope and love, and as God enables us, we can act in such a manner that we seize this opportunity of the joy that is set before us.” With love and gratitude, Shelaine ©2017 Excerpts this month are from The Voice of Jesus by Gordon Smith. “Then what matters most is humility, the willingness to accept who we are and embrace the full significance of that identity. What we seek is the grace to take responsibility for our strengths and abilities, to live with contentment within the skin that God has given us rather than aspire to be someone other than who we are. This is humility, and it is liberating in that by it we are freed from the burden of pretense.”
Gordon Smith makes this statement after addressing the need to assess “who am I?”, concluding that once I have taken stock of myself my job is to accept those realities and ask God for the grace to live within them. God did not make me to be someone else. Whew. In my coaching role I would often describe career decision making as a two-fold process, know yourself, know your career options. In his chapter on vocation, Smith widens the second aspect to be know your world. He says, “If we are to discern well, it is imperative that we see the world as it is, not as we wish it were. It is a matter of facing up to the circumstances and opportunities as they actually are, not the circumstances or opportunities for which we hanker.” I’m fond of reality-based living. By personality, I’m not naturally wired to be a dreamer or big-picture visionary so I tend to do fairly well with this portion of discernment. In my teaching I used to have clients complete an activity called Practical Realities where they answered questions like how much money they needed to earn to sustain their current lifestyle, did they desire to work full or part-time, how far were they willing to commute, would they relocate for a new job. It was a blending of knowing themselves and then seeing how that fit with the available options. Being realistic about my world takes my head out of the sand. And, when I can accept that some things are out of my realm of possibility it narrows my field of choice. I will also have to grieve those closed doors, some with more tears than others. I simply can’t have everything I want in life. I appreciate Smith’s thoughts on our need to willingly live in this unfair world. “But God’s call is always within the particular, and consequently the limitations we experience are always the context in which God will call us and enable us to experience his grace.” How often have I found this to be true! I would not be writing this post today were it not for God’s grace through difficult circumstances and his gentle leading into a world I never expected to enter. Smith says, “Part of accepting our world and seeing our circumstances in truth is accepting the opportunities that are given to us rather than bemoaning what is not there.” That is my prayer for this day. With love and gratitude, Shelaine © 2017 Last week I ended with a list of questions from Gordon Smith’s book, The Voice of Jesus, that feel designed for a fireside chat with a trusted friend while sipping tea. I have found that engaging in meaningful conversations with people who know me well can be very helpful as I seek to make decisions. It can also be confusing.
I recall many a client sitting in my office saying some version of “I don’t know what I want to do but my husband/mother/uncle/sister/dog thinks I should…” I empathize with the tricky balance of weighing the input of others, not wanting to disappoint people and taking ownership of my choices. I appreciate Smith’s perspective. He notes that while what we long for is to hear the voice of Jesus directing us, “Something else needs to be emphasized. No one else will make these critical decisions for us. They might try to do so, but they cannot. Vocation is necessarily something about which we bear personal responsibility.” Nothing drives home the message that I am responsible for living my own life more clearly than chronic pain. People can be supportive and provide encouragement. Others can empathize and help out in practical ways but ultimately I had to be the one to quieten my spirit and attempt to hear how God wanted me to live each day. “We choose how we will respond to this set of circumstances. And no matter how limiting a set of circumstances may be, we still can ask, how am I being called to respond to this set of circumstances at this time and in this place?” My life since those pain-days has radically changed and yet these principles are no less fitting. Each day is a fresh opportunity to ask God what He would have me do with my time. “At this point and in this place, what is it that I am being called to do?” With love and gratitude, Shelaine ©2017 What do you want to be when you grow up?
Several years ago I read a book called The Voice of Jesus by Gordon Smith and this week I recalled his powerful chapter on vocational discernment or, in other words, a spiritual approach to answering my initial question. Smith says: “This discernment includes the capacity to know one’s vocation, or how one is being called, at this time and in this place, to give of one’s energies, whether it is in a career or in volunteer service.” He continues. “The task of discerning vocation is fundamental for anyone who wishes to live with personal integrity, courage and authenticity.” Perhaps that statement best captures why I am drawn to Smith’s perspective because he doesn’t limit vocation simply to paid work. It’s about life choices and life style. And, it’s about learning how to make decisions throughout our lives. He refers to people heading into retirement requiring an ability to discern involvements as much as young people freshly entering the work force because change happens over the life span. And where there is change, there is choice. I recall a session I used to teach on navigating change and encountering clients who were adamantly opposed to this reality. They would sit through the discussion holding fast to their position that they had no desire, need or intent to change. They appeared stubborn, unrelenting and naïve. I came to think they were mostly afraid. Change has a way of tapping into deep places where we long to know the world is predictable and secure. Not much is. Change will continue to be the norm “…and this demands that we make no assumptions based on the past but rather ask, what is God calling me to be and do in this place at this time?” Or, as Smith also says, “who am I and to what am I being called?” So today I am focusing on asking, “Who am I?” and using some of Gordon Smith’s ideas to help me better “match clarity about ourselves with clarity about our world, particularly our immediate circumstances.” Here are his suggested questions: What matters to me? What makes me angry? What sustains hope and beauty and truth for me? What brings me joy? Where do I feel that I have a firm piece of ground on which to stand, so that I can make a difference? With love and gratitude, Shelaine © 2017 “The less routine, the more life.”
This quote by Amos Bronson Alcott graced the front of a card my husband gave me recently. It’s stuck in my head. It’s a call to living large, I first thought. Break free from the shackles of day to day schedules, fly by the seat of your pants, give in to spontaneity and let every new 24 hours be an unpredictable source of adventure and exploits. I got tired writing that sentence. Is that what Alcott had in mind? Or does the phrase capture how the sick child, an extra project at work, the untimely breakdown of a vehicle – in other words, “more life” – steals routine? Is the inability to attend to routine activities an indication that there’s simply too much going on? Whatever the author’s intent, I appreciate how this single phrase has challenged me to consider margin in my life. Is there enough blank space allotted each week to accommodate the unplanned for? Will “one more thing” slide in and temporarily fill my cup to the brim? Does that additional expectation have a place to land or does it send my cup’s contents splashing over the rim? And all this mulling reminds me how much I like routine…with variety. So today I purpose to re-evaluate my weeks, looking for places to build in predictable structure while leaving enough white space to keep enjoying my days. More routine. More life. With love and gratitude, Shelaine © 2017 |
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